Tuesday, February 3, 2009

reflections with the fray

I got the Fray's new album today, and I like it, but it's not really the direction I wanted them to go. I wanted them to be a little bit harder than they were in their first album, but the easy listening is still good for reflection.

I was accepted into Moody Bible Institute last week. I've wanted to go to Moody ever since I was a freshman, so being accepted was kind of the fulfillment of a goal, and that feels really good. Now that I'm accepted though, it feels really weird to know that high school really is coming to an end.

I can remember being a freshman looking at the seniors, knowing that one day I'd be in their position. I ran for Freshman Class President the first few weeks of school. That's the only election I've ever lost, and it really through me for a loop. This is one of the only times I've ever verbalized this, but losing that election really caused me to lose a lot of self confidence, and in some ways I still haven't completely recovered.

I lived a lot of my high school life looking at the future. I was constantly looking for something that I could be respected for. It seemed like everybody had something. Whether it was sports, clubs, friends, girl friends, whatever; I felt like I didn't have any of that. Those feelings have caused me to make a lot of stupid decisions. I've pursued girls for selfish reasons. I've been rejected by girls I'd pursued for unselfish reasons. I've put down friends to build myself up. I've never tried out for sports for fear of failure.

Now it's kind of weird to look at those feelings. Most people would probably never know that I struggled with who I was for the majority of high school. All of those feelings have taught me a lot, though. I've learned a lot about life through my fears. Never pursue a girl for selfish reasons because in the end it will only hurt her and you. But just because you pursue a girl for unselfish reasons doesn't mean it will work out either, and the reality of that hurts most... especially when you know you had pure intentions.

More than anything I've learned that I have to accept who God made me to be, and not care about what a friend, girl, adult, pastor, musician, or anyone else thinks. If I'm not confident in who I am then I'll never be the man God wants me to be, and that is my ultimate desire. The Fray's new CD has in a way made me a little depressed, because I've been thinking about the life I've always known coming to an end, but thinking about all of that has ultimately made me realize that all the insecurities I have and will struggle with are taken care of by my God, and it amazes me to think that God can use me even with all of my insecurities.

5 comments:

  1. Awesome post Nate. Most people aren't brave enough to be that honest and insightful, and for it to be coming from a teenager is even more amazing. Congrats on being accepted to Moody!!!! (Even though there was never a question in my mind that it wouldn't happen)

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  2. "because I've been thinking about the life I've always known coming to an end"

    Awesome quote!! I saw your status update on Facebook (lame, I know) and I couldn't close the computer without reading it, and I'm glad I didn't! I love it, and the rest of your blogs! Nice work. That is one of the best quotes I've ever heard to sum up high school....maybe you could talk Lauren into quoting it in her speech on graduation day! Or you could give a speech...that'd be pretty awesome too!

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  3. great post man, it is great to serve with you on our team!

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  4. Your Church Tech GuyFebruary 6, 2009 at 8:29 AM

    Great Post man! Congratulations on your acceptance to Moody. Filling a goal in life is milestone that God will allow us to have only to expect us the strive toward the next when he has opened a door for us to walk through. You will be missed here in Clarksville but I have never had any doubt that he has great things planned for you. You are one of the people that we will say I knew him back when........

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  5. Great post man! I'm proud of you and excited for your opportunity at Moody. You will definitely be missed! Love ya bro.

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